so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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