im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's just like the Real World with babies
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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