Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
