any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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