do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
