That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We are two peas in an std pod
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
