i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
