Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
