He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
