I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
