So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
