all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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