I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
