True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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