I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
