What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
oh god the rape fog is back!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
