White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
