Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
