do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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