so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
