oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
