found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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