gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
