craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
