I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
