it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
