I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
