Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
