Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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