is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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