Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just want to make out with him forever
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
