She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
