so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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