TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
