he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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