dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
