i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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