I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Acid is not a monday night drug
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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