a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
