i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
