WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
