Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
