Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
