I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
