I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize