think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
