Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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