his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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