I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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