if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
