That's intense
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
