i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
