doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
