Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
