i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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