She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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