I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
