I like my sex mixed with concussions.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
