i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
