i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
