As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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