I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
