i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
