There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
