How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
