I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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