i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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