I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
