Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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