Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
