Girls should come with a carfax report
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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