what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
